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75 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

For when you need the laughs to come fast!

1 / 75
What's the best thing about Switzerland

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

2 / 75
I invented a word!

I invented a new word: Plagiarism!

3 / 75
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

4 / 75
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

5 / 75
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

6 / 75
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Don’t miss these clever grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.

7 / 75
Short jokes - how many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Math joke

How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?

Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.

These funny Monday jokes will help you make it through the week.

8 / 75
Knock! Knock! Who's there?

Knock! Knock!

Q: Who’s there?
A: Control Freak.
Q: Con…
A: Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?”

9 / 75
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Need to lighten the atmosphere at the office? Crack one of these work-friendly jokes.

10 / 75
A woman in labour suddenly shouted

A woman in labour suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.”

11 / 75
A bear walks into a bar

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey… and a cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”

Check out this side-splitting collection of the funniest one-liners on the Internet.

12 / 75
Short jokes - Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

13 / 75
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

14 / 75
Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

If that made you smile, you won’t want to miss these funny physics jokes.

15 / 75
Why did the chicken go to the seance?

Why did the chicken go to the séance?

To get to the other side.

Ever wondered how “why did the chicken cross the road” became a thing? Find out the fascinating origins of classic jokes.

16 / 75
Where are average things manufactured?

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

17 / 75
How do you drown a hipster?

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

These clever jokes could make anyone sound smart!

18 / 75
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

19 / 75
What does a nosy pepper do?

What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business!

Memorize these funny jokes for National Tell a Joke Day!

20 / 75
Short Jokes - piratesPhoto: RD.ca

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they arrgh!

Impress a history buff with these hilarious history jokes.

21 / 75
Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

They always take things literally.

These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time.

22 / 75
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

23 / 75
Doctor joke

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

These hilarious tweets are guaranteed to make you grin!

24 / 75
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

25 / 75
Why don't Calculus majors throw house parties?

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive.

These smart light bulb jokes are truly illuminating.

26 / 75
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

27 / 75
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

Keep these funny holiday jokes in mind for your next party.

28 / 75
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

These funny animal pictures are sure to crack you up!

29 / 75
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned

Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

It’s two gross.

30 / 75
Tin Man joke

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?

“Curses! Foil again!”

31 / 75
Bald man joke

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Thanks— I’ll never part with it!

32 / 75
Short jokes - What rhymes with orange

What rhymes with orange

No it doesn’t.

Does your workplace tend to be a little tense? Here are some funny jokes to defuse an awkward situation.

33 / 75
What did the left eye say to the right eye?

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

34 / 75
What do you call a fake noodle?

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Don’t miss these wild (but true!) tales of the world’s dumbest criminals.

35 / 75
How do you make a tissue dance?

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

36 / 75
What did the 0 say to the 8?

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

37 / 75
Pony joke

What do you call a pony with a cough?

A little horse.

Found that funny? You’ll love these corny Halloween jokes.

38 / 75
What did one hat say to the other?

What did one hat say to the other?

You wait here. I’ll go on a head.

39 / 75
Magic dog joke

What do you call a magic dog?

A labracadabrador.

These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

40 / 75
Shark joke

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

This tastes a little funny.

41 / 75
What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?

A parrot.

Check out the most Canadian headlines of all time.

42 / 75
Dinosaur joke

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

Grab your mouse ears and have a chuckle at these Disney jokes.

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Short jokes - And then it dawned on mePhoto: RD.ca

I waited all night to see where the sun would rise…

…And then it dawned on me.

44 / 75
Pirate joke

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey.

Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes.

45 / 75
Frog joke

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

Check out our all-time funniest work jokes.

46 / 75
Buffalo joke

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

These hilarious school stories are guaranteed to give you a laugh.

47 / 75
What is an astronaut's favourite part on a computer?

What is an astronaut’s favourite part on a computer?

The space bar.

Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology.

48 / 75
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?

Because it was cultured.

49 / 75
Grammar joke

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?

Re-Morse code.

50 / 75
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

These groan-worthy breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around.

51 / 75
Scrabble joke

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.

He kept leaving little messages around the house.

Calling all word nerds! You’ll love these clever thesaurus jokes.

52 / 75
Marriage joke

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

These ridiculous beach puns are shore to make you laugh.

53 / 75
Calendar joke

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got six months.

These funny sleep jokes will have you laughing in bed.

54 / 75
Short jokes - Time flies like an arrowPhoto: RD.ca

Time flies like an arrow…

Fruit flies like a banana.

It doesn’t have to be April Fool’s Day to appreciate these hilarious real life prank stories!

55 / 75
Poetry joke

How do poets say hello?

Hey, haven’t we metaphor?

Check out more cheesy pick up lines that are good for a laugh (if not love!).

56 / 75
Batman joke

Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom.

For more groan-worthy humour, find out what would happen if the person who named walkie-talkies named everything.

57 / 75
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

These funny tweets about food are sure to put a smile on your face.

58 / 75
What do you get from a pampered cow?

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Don’t miss this gallery of funny farm animals!

59 / 75
Basketball joke

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one.

60 / 75
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

Don’t miss these funny photos of dogs working from home.

61 / 75
Why did the M&M go to school?

Why did the M&M go to school?

It wanted to be a Smartie.

Don’t miss these funny tweets every parent can relate to.

62 / 75
Why do bees have sticky hair?

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

These bad dad jokes are sure to make you laugh out loud.

63 / 75
Short jokes - What did the cop say to his belly button? Photo: RD.ca

What did the cop say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest.

64 / 75
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? Try these funny birthday jokes!

65 / 75
Root beer joke

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

Check out these witty bar jokes anyone can remember.

66 / 75
Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

They don’t meet the koalafications.

Want to turn someone’s frown upside down? Try giving them one of these funny compliments!

67 / 75
Rest in peace to boiling water

Rest in peace to boiling water.

You will be mist.

If you liked that joke, you’ll get a kick out of these hilarious thesaurus mistakes.

68 / 75
Animal joke

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

Don’t miss these bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

69 / 75
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood.

Don’t miss these funny doctor jokes.

70 / 75
How do you throw a space party?

How do you throw a space party?

You planet.

Check out these up-and-coming Canadian comedians—and their best jokes!

71 / 75
Numbers joke

The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.

21.

It doesn’t have to be Pi Day (March 14) to bring out these funny math jokes!

72 / 75
Baseball joke

Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?

All of the fans left.

These hilarious DIY jokes will bring down the house!

73 / 75
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A chew-chew train.

You won’t believe these funny classified ads actually ran!

74 / 75
Math jokes

Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counsellor?

It needed help figuring out its problems.

These funny work cartoons were made for sharing at the office.

75 / 75
Why can't male ants sink?

Why can’t male ants sink?

They’re buoy-ant.

After you’ve memorized these hilarious short jokes, check out the funniest Reader’s Digest jokes of all time!

Originally Published on Reader's Digest