13+ Things a Halloween Trick-or-Treater Won’t Tell You

1. On Halloween Night, It’s Feast or Famine

Old people are either very generous or give you one peanut. There is no in-between.

-Excerpted from Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind: Thoughts on Teacherhood, copyright © 2009 by Phillip Done (Center Street/Hachette).

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2. Maximize Your Appeal

The cuter our costumes, the more candy we get.

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3. Good Candy?

Tootsie Rolls, Kit Kats, Nerds, Twizzlers, Jolly Ranchers, Starbursts, Skittles, Snickers, and Whoppers.

Bad loot: toothbrushes.

What are your top candy picks? Check out these Top 10 favourites.

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4. It’s Only One Night, So Carry All You Can

Pillowcases hold twice as much as plastic grocery bags and three times as much as plastic orange pumpkins.

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5. I Still Cry at Weddings

Little kids take forever to decide. Don’t get stuck behind them at the door.

Still…

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6. Patience Occasionally Pays Off

If a group of children gathers at the door, sometimes it’s best to be in the front so you won’t have to wait and can run immediately to the next house.

But sometimes it’s better to be the last one: You might get two pieces of candy for being patient.

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7. Hit the Streets Early

People give out the best sweets first and save the not-so-good stuff for later.

The longer you stay out on Halloween night, the worse the candy gets.

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8. Keep an Eye Out for the Right Houses

Lots of decorations in the front yard means good candy. They spend a lot on Halloween.

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9. Who Knows Better Than You? No One!

That’s why it’s always better to choose your candy than to have someone else choose it for you.

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10. Guess Who’s More Likely to ‘Borrow’ Your Candy?

When our parents chaperone, moms say ‘Be careful’ and ‘Remember your manners.’ Dads say ‘Wha’d ya get?’

But…

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11. They’re Useful on Halloween for Another Reason

Dads stay out later than moms.

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12. Know Your Shortcuts

Slide through hedges. Jump over gutters. Dodge strollers. And run, do not walk.

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13. Candy Thieves are Everywhere!

Do not show your teacher what you have in your lunch bag the day after Halloween. Otherwise, he might point to his ‘Official Halloween Candy Taste Tester’ button and ask for all your Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

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14. Dig Deep

The best candy is often at the bottom of the bowl.

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15. Ask and You Will (Hopefully) Receive

After saying, “Trick or treat!” ask, “How many can I have?”

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16. So You Don’t Miss It Twice

After being handed a piece of candy, always look back in the bowl to see what you did not get.

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17. Only One of them Pay Attention

Men don’t care what they’re handing out. Women give raisins.

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18. One Last Trick for Getting More Sugar…

Raid the candy bowl at your own house before you go trick-or-treating and again when you get home.

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