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20 Jokes Every Grammar Nerd Will Appreciate

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.

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Funny grammar jokes

Image Credits: Photo: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

The past, present, and future walked into a bar…

It was tense.

Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws and the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the ends of a clause.

“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“To who?”
“Actually, it’s to whom.”

Q: Why should you never date an apostrophe?
A: They’re too possessive

Q: What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses

Turn the next five minutes into Happy Hour with these short, sweet bar jokes for any occasion. Warning: Please joke responsibly.

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Pregnant woman joke

Image Credits: Photo: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman…

…who went into labour and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?

She was having contractions.

A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. No joke.

“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize’. Except at a funeral.” —Demetri Martin

Q: Which dinosaur knows the most words?
A: A Thesaurus

Q: What happened when the verb asked the noun to conjugate?
A: The noun declined.

Check out 7 Classic Jokes and Their Fascinating Origins.

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Shakespeare grammar joke

Image Credits: Photo: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

Q: Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?

I invented a new word! Plagiarism.

Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.

It could spell disaster.

When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?

Nobody knew why.

Q: Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?
A: Short

Here are 22 of the Best Shakespearean Insults That Still Sting Today.

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Light bulb grammar joke

Image Credits: Photo: Robert Liwanag/Shutterstock

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

Q: What should you say to comfort a grammar nazi?
A: “There, their, they’re.”

When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.”

I said, “Who, me?”

I before e…except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbour.

“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” —Anonymous

If you want to find out how it feels to sound smart, try out some of these clever jokes.

Originally Published on Reader's Digest