The 61 Most Ridiculous Excuses People Actually Used to Get Out of Work
Updated: Mar. 26, 2019If you're planning on playing hooky, you're going to have to try a bit harder than these folks...
Tummy troubles
An employee called in sick because he ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill.
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Stuck on you
An employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.
Dumpster diving
An employee’s wife found out he was cheating, and he had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.
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What’s your poison?
An employee claimed his grandmother poisoned him with ham.
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Potential brain damage
The employee said that he couldn’t come to work because his fortune-teller had asked him not to step out of the house or he would suffer a brain hemorrhage.
Blowing the coop
An employee couldn’t come to work because she accidentally got on a plane.
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Family ties
An employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet, because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
On a more serious note, here are some common phrases you should never say at a funeral—and what to say instead.
Dental drama
An employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway.
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Something in the air
An employee claimed the ozone in the air flattened his tires.
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Show me the money
An employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
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Mighty ducks
An employee said she was bitten by a duck.
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Buggin’ out
An employee was experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, and had to stay home to deal with it.
Honest Abe
The employee said he’d gotten drunk the night before and was now suffering from a hangover.
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Microwave mistakes
An employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
Oh happy day
An employee woke up in a good mood and didn’t want to ruin it.
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Law and order
An employee’s dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.
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Unhappy ending
An employee was feeling too upset after watching The Hunger Games.
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Duty calls
An employee had to mow the lawn to avoid a lawsuit from the Homeowners’ Association.
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Holy cow
An employee said a cow broke into her house and she had to wait for the insurance man.
What job?
An employee forgot he had been hired for the job.
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Room raiders
An employee was blocked in by police raiding her home.
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Happier hour
An employee called in sick from a bar at 5:00 p.m. the night before.
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Different time zones
An employee said he had to watch a soccer game that was being played in Europe.
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Pranked
An employee was late because they overslept because their kids changed all the clocks in the house.
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Home delivery
An employee ordered a pizza that was late being delivered, and they had to be home to accept/pay for it.
Think you’ve got a special order? Check out more hilarious pizza delivery stories!
Dazzled by the sun
An employee thought the sunrise was so beautiful that they had to stop and take it in.
Chatter mouth
An employee said their mother-in-law wouldn’t stop talking.
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Below freezing
An employee said it was too cold to work.
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Caution! Your beverage is hot
An employee’s coffee was too hot and they couldn’t leave until it cooled off.
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Took the road less travelled
An employee was an hour late because an astrologer warned them of a car accident on a major highway, so they took all backroads.
Blame the dog
An employee claims their dog ate their work schedule.
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Wrong office
An employee accidentally drove to their former employer’s location even though they haven’t worked there for five years.
[Sources: careerbuilder.com, jobcluster.com]
Now, check out the craziest things car mechanics have seen at work.
