Funny Phrases That Are Definitely Worth Memorizing
Sometimes the best way to get out of an awkward situation is laughing your way out. Memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary.
Funny phrases that’ll catch people off-guard
When your friend complains about being on keto
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and then I eat it.
When someone asks when you’re going to have kids
I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny phrases.
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When Beyoncé concert tickets go on sale
My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.
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When your friends question your judgment
Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
When you haven’t tackled anything on your to-do list
I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed.
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When you see motivational posters in your office
Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
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When you’re accused of being greedy
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
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When you’re asked to buy a gym membership
I get enough exercise from pushing my luck.
These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one.
When people ask why you’re still single
My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
Here are more silly sleep jokes.
When you finally decide to stop procrastinating
I made a huge to-do list today. I just need to figure out who’s going to do it.
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When you’re ready to party
When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.
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When your buddies make a crack about your age
Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest.
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When your spouse addresses your late-night snacking
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?
Psst—these are the best foods to eat before bed.
When it’s time for a trim
I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
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When you’re contemplating the advancements of humanity since the dawn of time
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.
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When someone asks how you like your job
The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.
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When someone calls you crazy
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
If you enjoyed these funny phrases, be sure to check out our favourite knock-knock jokes of all time.