Funny Phrases That Are Definitely Worth Memorizing

Sometimes the best way to get out of an awkward situation is laughing your way out. Memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary.

Funny Phrases - seafood diet
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Funny phrases that’ll catch people off-guard

When your friend complains about being on keto

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and then I eat it.

Funny Phrases - Parents
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When someone asks when you’re going to have kids

I’m jealous of my parents. I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs, one who is smart, has devilishly good looks, and knows all sorts of funny phrases.

Here are 75 family-friendly jokes that’ll have the whole crew in stitches.

Funny Phrases - no money
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When Beyoncé concert tickets go on sale

My wallet is like an onion. Every time I open it, it makes me cry.

These clever history jokes are guaranteed to make you grin.

Funny Phrases - Plan B
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When your friends question your judgment

Don’t worry, if Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Funny Phrases - lazy
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When you haven’t tackled anything on your to-do list

I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed.

Don’t miss the best jokes from up-and-coming Canadian comedians.

Funny Phrases - moon footprints
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When you see motivational posters in your office

Don’t you tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

These DIY jokes are sure to bring down the house!

Funny Phrases - can't have everything
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When you’re accused of being greedy

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

Here are 75 funny jokes to make anyone laugh.

Funny Phrases - exercise
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When you’re asked to buy a gym membership

I get enough exercise from pushing my luck.

These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one.

Funny Phrases - sleep
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When people ask why you’re still single

My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Here are more silly sleep jokes.

Funny Phrases - to-do list
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When you finally decide to stop procrastinating

I made a huge to-do list today. I just need to figure out who’s going to do it.

Don’t miss our roundup of the best Canadian jokes ever.

Funny Phrases - problem solver
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When you’re ready to party

When people tell me, “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.

These funny podcasts will have you laughing out loud.

Funny Phrases - birthday
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When your buddies make a crack about your age

Birthdays are good for you. Studies show that people who have the most of them live the longest.

Check out more birthday jokes that are sure to put a smile on your face.

Funny Phrases - late night snack
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When your spouse addresses your late-night snacking

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, then why is there a light bulb in the fridge?

Psst—these are the best foods to eat before bed.

Funny Phrases - hairstyle
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When it’s time for a trim

I don’t need a hair stylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Check out the funniest comedies on Netflix right now.

Funny Phrases - sandwiches
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When you’re contemplating the advancements of humanity since the dawn of time

I’m glad I don’t have to hunt for my own food. I have no idea where sandwiches live.

These funny Monday jokes will help you make it through the week.

Funny Phrases - work
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When someone asks how you like your job

The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

Don’t miss these side-splitting work cartoons.

Funny Phrases - insanity
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When someone calls you crazy

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

If you enjoyed these funny phrases, be sure to check out our favourite knock-knock jokes of all time.

Reader's Digest
Originally Published on Reader's Digest