40+ Funny Tweets About Food That Are Sure to Make You Smile
Food: we love it, we need it. From tips to misunderstandings, these hilarious tweets will make you laugh out loud... then go eat.
Who’s in Charge Here?
Why would they all it a grapefruit? There already is a grape fruit. It’s called grape. Someone messed up here. – @perfectsweeties
Lobsters would be proud of themselves if they knew how expensive they were. – @megsdeangelis
Worst Possible Combination
My husband just bought me ice cream with raisins. So that was a fun marriage. —@smerobin
Why drive eight minutes when I can spend an extra $43 to have the food delivered to my doorstep? – @brandonslaterr
I was at Starbucks on my lunch break, and the guy in front of me in line asked the barista if they could crumble up two blueberry scones and blend them into his drink. Not sure what his story is, but I hope he finds peace. —@kendraaaleighh
One out of every three blueberries is an absolute nightmare. —@CHASE__CHASE
Me ordering delivery regularly:
- needlessly expensive
Me ordering delivery during the COVID-19 pandemic:
- singlehandedly keeping every small business afloat
- Nobel Prize in Economics —@OrangePaulp
Leggo My Eggo
My local Costco is out of Eggo waffles. A man and a woman reached for the last box at the same time. Though he was there first, by about two seconds, the woman insisted they should go to her and her children. I kid you not, the man, who had his two teens with him, replied, “Ma’am, leggo my Eggo.” —@Emily_R_King
Dear cereal makers, exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinet shelves are? —@AnniemuMary
A Serious Commitment
If you’re getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that’s what you’re going to be living with. —@WilliamAder
…And Some Sausages
A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages. —@donni
A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in university. —@jenstatsky
My wife was going to make pancakes. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Now it looks like she’s just waffling. —@KentWGraham
Check out the beautiful dessert that has been pinned over 270,000 times.
It’s with a heavy heart that I announce that I let another innocent bunch of bananas rot on my kitchen counter for 12 days. —@Brittany_broski
As a child, I truly did not understand how good I had it not having to decide what to eat for dinner every single night. —@jonnysun
My signature party dish is “The One I Realized I Totally Forgot to Put Out After the Guests Were Gone.” —@copymama
On the Menu
A girl in the coffee shop I’m working in just said to her friend, “Imagine a hot veggie smoothie,” and I’m wondering how to break it to her that soup exists. —@daynamcalpine_
Lettuce Imagine For a Moment…
I wish I were better at making salad. I want to be master of my own romaine. —@curlycomedy
A Matter of Taste
There are three stages to growing up:
1) Olives are disgusting.
2) I don’t mind them.
3) Literally inhaling olives. — @Dongjirat
The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you’re hungry. —@Asiadnyc
No Substitutions, Please
I couldn’t remember the word “appetizer,” so I said “food’s first act” and, honestly, it works. —@Svershbow
Are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? —@Zuluonly
Quite the Appetite
Wife: At recess today, some kid named Billy told our daughter that he had butterflies in his stomach. Isn’t that adorable?
Me: That Miller kid? He’ll eat anything. —@Uncleduke1969
When Hunger Strikes
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for at least five minutes before eating.
Me: No. —@Abbyhasissues
Isn’t It Obvious?
Date: What do you do?
Me: [Holds up menu] You just choose a meal from this book of food. —@Arfmeasures
Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat
Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2
Discover the fascinating origins of classic jokes.
Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett
Need a quick chuckle? Don’t miss these funny limericks!
Food For Thought
My thought bubble is just filled with pictures of my favourite snacks. —@Anniethenanny1
A Balanced Diet
I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett
Part of a Wholesome Breakfast
Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda
Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards.
If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.” —@TenderBeefsteak
Rice, Rice, Baby
Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902
Whenever I Cut a Bagel:
Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric
Let’s Get This Bread
I love toast. What absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like, “Cook it again”? Unreal. —@LoserCrew
Consider using these jokes that make you sound smart!
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues
To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund
Future’s Looking Bright
My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming alone nicely, thanks for asking. —@Lifeattiffanys
Do you have trouble making it to the punch line? Try memorizing these side-splitting short jokes!
The Heart Wants What it Wants
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock
A Very Special Birthday
Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —Joyce Byrne, magazine publisher
These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!
You Know What I Mean, Eh?
If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit
Check out the best jokes from rising stars on the comedy circuit.
Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?
You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning
Check out more hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you grin!