50 Funny Food Tweets That Are Sure to Make You Smile
Food: we love it, we need it. From crazy cooking tips to misunderstood menus, these funny food tweets will make you laugh out loud... Then go eat.
Who’s in Charge Here?
Why would they call it a grapefruit? There already is a grape fruit. It’s called grape. Someone messed up here. – @perfectsweeties
Lobsters would be proud of themselves if they knew how expensive they were. – @megsdeangelis
Double the Dairy
Every time I drink milk, I remember my roommate who used to put powdered milk in his glass of milk so he could drink “more milk per milk.” —@aedison
Worst Possible Combination
My husband just bought me ice cream with raisins. So that was a fun marriage. —@smerobin
Why drive eight minutes when I can spend an extra $43 to have the food delivered to my doorstep? – @brandonslaterr
I was at Starbucks on my lunch break, and the guy in front of me in line asked the barista if they could crumble up two blueberry scones and blend them into his drink. Not sure what his story is, but I hope he finds peace. —@kendraaaleighh
One out of every three blueberries is an absolute nightmare. —@CHASE__CHASE
Me ordering delivery regularly:
- needlessly expensive
Me ordering delivery during the COVID-19 pandemic:
- singlehandedly keeping every small business afloat
- Nobel Prize in Economics —@OrangePaulp
Drive-thru attendant: Would you like to try the chicken club?
Me: [Imagining chickens getting down on the dance floor] Hell yes I would. —@prufrockluvsong
Drive-thru workers reveal the craziest things they’ve seen at work!
Leggo My Eggo
My local Costco is out of Eggo waffles. A man and a woman reached for the last box at the same time. Though he was there first, by about two seconds, the woman insisted they should go to her and her children. I kid you not, the man, who had his two teens with him, replied, “Ma’am, leggo my Eggo.” —@Emily_R_King
Dear cereal makers, exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinet shelves are? —@AnniemuMary
What Time Is It?
The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother. —@ArtByPush
A Serious Commitment
If you’re getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that’s what you’re going to be living with. —@WilliamAder
Here are more jokes about marriage that are perfect for a wedding.
…And Some Sausages
A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages. —@donni
A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in university. —@jenstatsky
My wife was going to make pancakes. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Now it looks like she’s just waffling. —@KentWGraham
It’s with a heavy heart that I announce that I let another innocent bunch of bananas rot on my kitchen counter for 12 days. —@Brittany_broski
As a child, I truly did not understand how good I had it not having to decide what to eat for dinner every single night. —@jonnysun
My signature party dish is “The One I Realized I Totally Forgot to Put Out After the Guests Were Gone.” —@copymama
Lettuce Imagine For a Moment…
I wish I were better at making salad. I want to be master of my own romaine. —@curlycomedy
A Matter of Taste
There are three stages to growing up:
1) Olives are disgusting.
2) I don’t mind them.
3) Literally inhaling olives. —@Dongjirat
Check out these funny tweets every parent will relate to.
No Substitutions, Please
I couldn’t remember the word “appetizer,” so I said “food’s first act” and, honestly, it works. —@Svershbow
Are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? —@Zuluonly
These movies about cooking will make your mouth water.
Quite the Appetite
Wife: At recess today, some kid named Billy told our daughter that he had butterflies in his stomach. Isn’t that adorable?
Me: That Miller kid? He’ll eat anything. —@Uncleduke1969
I’m trying to shield my phone from onlookers because I’m embarrassed by what they might see, but it’s just slow-motion video of forks going into slices of cake. —@Originaldanksta
Check out the funniest one-liners on the Internet.
When Hunger Strikes
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for at least five minutes before eating.
Me: No. —@Abbyhasissues
Horror Veggie Tales
Friend: “It’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli.”
Me: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] “Listen, kid, I know what I saw.” —@roxiqt
Life hack: memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary!
Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat
Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2
(Here’s why you actually shouldn’t put a soaked phone in rice.)
Five Second Rule
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor.” —@ughrevolution
Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett
(These cooking shortcuts, on the other hand, actually work!)
A Balanced Diet
I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett
Part of a Wholesome Breakfast
Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda
These funny good morning GIFs will start any day with a smile!
Rice, Rice, Baby
Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902
Whenever I Cut a Bagel:
Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric
Here are 20 grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues
To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund
Here are 25 knock knock jokes that are genuinely funny!
The Heart Wants What it Wants
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock
Here are the the best jokes from Canada’s greatest comedians.
A Very Special Birthday
Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —@joyce_byrne
These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!
You Know What I Mean, Eh?
If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit
Do tend to have trouble making it to the punch line? Try memorizing these side-splitting short jokes!
Does That Cost Extra?
*Ordering cake over phone*
“And what would you like the cake to say?”
*Covers phone to ask wife*
“Do we want a talking cake?” —@KeetPotato
Don’t miss this roundup of the best Canadian jokes of all time.
Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?
You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning
If you enjoyed these funny food tweets, check out 100+ more hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you grin!