40+ Funny Tweets About Food That Are Sure to Make You Smile

Worst Possible Combination

My husband just bought me ice cream with raisins. So that was a fun marriage. —@smerobin

Unusual Request

I was at Starbucks on my lunch break, and the guy in front of me in line asked the barista if they could crumble up two blueberry scones and blend them into his drink. Not sure what his story is, but I hope he finds peace. —@kendraaaleighh

Taking Chances

One out of every three blueberries is an absolute nightmare. —@CHASE__CHASE

Community Support

Me ordering delivery regularly:

• lazy
• needlessly expensive
• pathetic

Me ordering delivery during the COVID-19 pandemic:

• heroism
• singlehandedly keeping every small business afloat
• Nobel Prize in Economics —@OrangePaulp

Conundrum

Drive-thru attendant: Would you like to try the chicken club?
Me: [Imagining chickens getting down on the dance floor] Hell yes I would. —@prufrockluvsong

Drive-thru workers reveal the craziest things they’ve seen at work!

Leggo My Eggo

My local Costco is out of Eggo waffles. A man and a woman reached for the last box at the same time. Though he was there first, by about two seconds, the woman insisted they should go to her and her children. I kid you not, the man, who had his two teens with him, replied, “Ma’am, leggo my Eggo.” —@Emily_R_King

Frosted Flakes

Dear cereal makers, exactly how tall do you think kitchen cabinet shelves are? —@AnniemuMary

Here’s what your favourite cereal brands used to look like!

What Time Is It?

The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother. —@ArtByPush

A Serious Commitment

If you’re getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that’s what you’re going to be living with. —@WilliamAder

…And Some Sausages

A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages. —@donni

Brunch Staples

A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in university. —@jenstatsky

Batter Up!

My wife was going to make pancakes. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Then she wasn’t. Then she was. Now it looks like she’s just waffling. —@KentWGraham

Check out the beautiful dessert that has been pinned over 270,000 times.

Forgotten Fruit

It’s with a heavy heart that I announce that I let another innocent bunch of bananas rot on my kitchen counter for 12 days. —@Brittany_broski

Dinner Dilemma

As a child, I truly did not understand how good I had it not having to decide what to eat for dinner every single night. —@jonnysun

The Leftovers

My signature party dish is “The One I Realized I Totally Forgot to Put Out After the Guests Were Gone.” —@copymama

On the Menu

A girl in the coffee shop I’m working in just said to her friend, “Imagine a hot veggie smoothie,” and I’m wondering how to break it to her that soup exists. —@daynamcalpine_

Lettuce Imagine For a Moment…

I wish I were better at making salad. I want to be master of my own romaine. —@curlycomedy

A Matter of Taste

There are three stages to growing up:
1) Olives are disgusting.
2) I don’t mind them.
3) Literally inhaling olives. — @Dongjirat

Can’t Sleep?

The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you’re hungry. —@Asiadnyc

Find out the funniest things people have ever said while they were sleeping!

No Substitutions, Please

I couldn’t remember the word “appetizer,” so I said “food’s first act” and, honestly, it works. —@Svershbow

Menu Misunderstanding

Are you telling me a shrimp fried this rice? —@Zuluonly

Quite the Appetite

Wife: At recess today, some kid named Billy told our daughter that he had butterflies in his stomach. Isn’t that adorable?
Me: That Miller kid? He’ll eat anything. —@Uncleduke1969

Guilty Pleasures

I’m trying to shield my phone from onlookers because I’m embarrassed by what they might see, but it’s just slow-motion video of forks going into slices of cake. —@Originaldanksta

When Hunger Strikes

Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for at least five minutes before eating.
Me: No. —@Abbyhasissues

Isn’t It Obvious?

Date: What do you do?
Me: [Holds up menu] You just choose a meal from this book of food. —@Arfmeasures

Horror Veggie Tales

Friend: “It’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli.”
Me: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] “Listen, kid, I know what I saw.” —@roxiqt

Life hack: memorize these funny phrases and use them as necessary!

Freezer Burn

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later. —@swaglordpat

iAbsorb

Cooking tip: If you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there. —@UniqueDude2

Discover the fascinating origins of classic jokes.

Five Second Rule

I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor.” —@ughrevolution

Cooking Tip

Quickly slice a block of cheese by throwing it through a harp. —@markleggett

Need a quick chuckle? Don’t miss these funny limericks!

Food For Thought

My thought bubble is just filled with pictures of my favourite snacks. —@Anniethenanny1

A Balanced Diet

I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook, Toast on a Paper Towel, 365 Ways. —@LizHackett

Part of a Wholesome Breakfast

Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning. —@8989belinda

Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards.

Secret Snack

If my calculations are correct, biscuits and Triscuits hint towards a mysterious third food called “monoscuits.” —@TenderBeefsteak

Rice, Rice, Baby

Tips for beginner cooks: know your ratios!
1/2 cup uncooked rice = 2 cups cooked rice
1 cup uncooked rice = 5 cups cooked rice
2 cups uncooked rice = 14 cups cooked rice
3 cups uncooked rice = 68 cups cooked rice
4 cups uncooked rice = 1,036 cups cooked rice —@llw902

Whenever I Cut a Bagel:

Would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions? —@dubiousrhetoric

If you find these types of jokes funny, science thinks you’re insecure.

Let’s Get This Bread

I love toast. What absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like, “Cook it again”? Unreal. —@LoserCrew

Consider using these jokes that make you sound smart!

Hungry

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. Typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation. —@AbbyHasIssues

Kitchen Rules

To be clear, when I search for a recipe online, what I’m really looking for is a lengthy, detailed memoir of a basic woman’s journey to get the best version of said recipe, and if there aren’t three jokes about wine or licking the spoon per paragraph, I’m out. —@alicewetterlund

Future’s Looking Bright

My kid just called romaine lettuce “gross kale” so the next batch of humans is coming alone nicely, thanks for asking. —@Lifeattiffanys

Do you have trouble making it to the punch line? Try memorizing these side-splitting short jokes!

The Heart Wants What it Wants

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart. —@weclock

Our favourite comedians share the one joke that always makes them laugh.

A Very Special Birthday

Googling: “How to make a birthday cake for your cat.” —Joyce Byrne, magazine publisher

These hilarious birthday jokes are guaranteed to get a laugh!

You Know What I Mean, Eh?

If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying. —@JodiesJumpsuit

Check out the best jokes from rising stars on the comedy circuit.

Does That Cost Extra?

*Ordering cake over phone*
“And what would you like the cake to say?”
*Covers phone to ask wife*
“Do we want a talking cake?” —@KeetPotato

These movies about cooking will make your mouth water.

Why Isn’t This a Thing Yet?

You should be able to twist the bottom of the Pringles can to bring the chips to the top like a lip balm. —@chrisdowning

Check out more hilarious tweets that are guaranteed to make you grin!