Hilarious History Jokes That Are Sure to Make You Smile
You don't have to be a history buff to find these jokes hilarious—but it might help!
A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please!”
How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles?
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Straight outta Groan-land
Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: Norse code! —@welovehistory
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An executive order
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” —Ronald Reagan
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Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
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One lump or two?
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
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A presidential quip
“In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” —President John Adams
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Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldn’t lie.
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Some things never change
“My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.” —Elayne Boosler, comedian
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Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
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It’s all Greek to me
Trojan general: “We are at war with Greece and must not drop our guard at any time.”
Trojan soldier: “Sir, the enemy has given us a giant wooden horse.”
Trojan general: “Great, bring it in!” —@nickeldoodle
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Teacher: Can you describe for me Napoleon’s origin?
Student: ‘Course I can!
Once you’ve got these funny history jokes memorized, check out the best Canadian jokes of all time.