Parents Reveal the Funniest Things Their Kids Have Said

Every mom and dad will relate to these ridiculous comments, questions and complaints.

Kids Say The Funniest Things - As Kids See It illustrationIllustration: Maya Lemaitre
“I want to quit school and fly south next winter, too.”

My five-year-old told me she can’t help me clean up her toys because she’s tired from all the work she does at school.

When I asked her what she meant by work,” she answered, “They’re always making us write our names.” – @snarkymommy78

“I was playing birdsongs to help him relax. ” (My kid, after putting headphones on our cat.) – @rachelxsussman

My eight-year-old sister gave our grandmother a wish list. It included gymnastics clothes, a slime box, a robot to help her colour, pyjamas, bath bombs and $15,000. –

Watching football with my 11-year-old daughter is fun. When I get frustrated with my team, she’ll ask calming questions like, “Daddy, do you really think you can do better than the players?” @dad_at_law

I wish I had the same confidence as my five-year-old jumping on the trampoline, telling me to look out for him in case his head hits an airplane. @traciebreaux

After repeatedly stressing the importance of oral hygiene to my kid I found a note that read, “Mom, I left my spit in the sink as proof that I brushed my teeth.” – Pamela Goodchild, Poine-Claire, Quebec

My three-year-old is going through his no-sleeping phase. One night I finally got him to return to his room. He walked in angry and said, “Sleeping is not that fun. And I just want to have fun.” – Andy Tsang, Toronto

When my niece was seven, I accompanied her on a school field trip. All day long, her classmates ran away from me. I asked her what the issue was—it turned out she’d told them I was a real-life vampire. @gaialect

My two-year-old’s granola bar wrapper was pulled down slightly too low. I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to recover from it. – Bess Kalb, writer

My six year-old daughter and I were listening to “Castles Made of Sand” by Jimi Hendrix while driving.

“What’s he singing about, Daddy?” she asked.

“He’s saying that nothing in life is permanent,” I answered.

She replied, “But markers are permanent!” – David Peabody, Calgary

My toddler and I saw some fishermen down at the pier today. “Look, they’re helping the fish out of the water,” he said. “That’s so nice!” –@average_dad1

Todder: Daddy, I have a question: what is on your head?
Me: I don’t know. You tell me.
Toddler: Nothing… because you have no hair! – Jamelle Bouie, journalist

My wife got our four-year-old a bowl of cereal. He then complained he didn’t want milk in the cereal and proceeded to pour out the milk and rinse off the cereal flakes with water. @kevinthedad

Check out more hilarious tweets every parent can relate to.

Popular Videos

Reader's Digest Canada
Originally Published in Reader's Digest Canada