Sleep Anxiety
I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake. —@shariv67
These are the most ridiculous things people have ever said—while sleeping!
The Worst Thing About Adulthood
I used to be able to pull all-nighters but now I can barely pull all-dayers. —@wolfyneyda
Bear Country
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world. —@longwall2
These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one!
Looking on the Bright Side
Any job is a dream job if you fall asleep in meetings. —@somaddysmith
Battery Full
There are many theories on why humans even need to sleep, but I’m pretty sure it’s to charge our phones. —@alispagnola
Everyone can relate to these funny tweets about technology.
Up in Smoke
Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the Internet. —@JermHimselfish
Inanimate Objects
Until I started experiencing insomnia, I had no idea it was possible to be this furious with each of my pillows individually. —@morninggloria
How to Impress Your Lover
My wife just goes to sleep when she gets tired and it’s the most impressed I ever am by anyone doing anything. —@joshgondelman
These totally relatable parenting tweets will make you laugh out loud!
Ultimate Motivation
Start each day with a positive thought like, “I can go back to bed in 16 or 17 short hours.” —@AbbyHasIssues
Don’t miss the funniest jokes from Canada’s best comedians.
Beam Me to Sleep, Scotty
If teleportation becomes a real thing, I’m just going to use it to zap myself to a different timezone and get three hours of extra sleep every night. —@ch000ch
Next, check out these short jokes anyone can remember.