21 Secrets Your Flight Attendant Won’t Tell You

I’m Not Your Maid

Want to start off on the wrong foot with your flight attendant? Put your carry-on luggage in a full overhead bin, leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem you just created.

We Know How to Handle Bad Flyers

Yes, passengers are incredibly rude, but stealing a beer, cursing out passengers, and jumping out of a plane is not the way to handle it. You disarm an unruly passenger by introducing yourself, asking his name, and saying something like, “I’ve been incredibly nice to you for three hours. Why are you treating me like this?”

Generally that gets the other passengers on your side-and sometimes they’ll even applaud.

The Stereotype is Wrong…

Flight attendants don’t have a boyfriend in every city. And our median age these days is 44.

Keep An Eye On Your Kid

If you’re flying with a small child and you keep hearing bells, bells, and more bells, please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell.

Come Equipped

If you have a baby, bring diapers. If you’re diabetic, bring syringes. If you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication. That way, I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler.

Check out 8 Crazy Travel Items You Should Never Pack!

Keep Your Clothes On

I don’t care if you want to be in the mile-high club, but it’s cramped and dirty in those bathrooms. Who decided it was something that everyone wants to do anyway?

Can’t You Wait?

Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle? You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass?

Have a Care

Just in case you hadn’t noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you. So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket!

Pay Attention

An all-too-common scenario? I hand you a cup of coffee and say, “Cream and sugar?” You say, “What?” I say, “Cream and sugar?” You say, “What?” Come on, people. What do you think we’re going to ask after we’ve handed you coffee? Your favourite colour?

My Responsibilities Don’t Include Office Supplies

If you’re travelling overseas, do yourself a favour and bring a pen. You would not believe how many people travel without one, and you need one to fill out the immigration forms. I carry some, but I can’t carry 200.

I Can’t Solve All Your Problems

Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other. “Can you tell him to put his seat up?” “She won’t share the armrest.” What am I, a preschool teacher?

Some Routes are Worse Than Others

I hate working flights to destinations like Vail, Colorado, and West Palm Beach, Florida. The passengers all think they’re in first class even if they’re not. They don’t do what we ask. And the overhead bins are full of their mink coats.

It’s Pretty Simple

Operating the airplane’s lavatory door is not rocket science. Just push.

I Appreciate Politeness

Is it that difficult to say hello and goodbye? We say it 300 times on every flight, and only about 40 people respond.

Do Not Poke or Grab Me

I mean it. No one likes to be poked, but it’s even worse on the plane because you’re sitting down and we’re not, so it’s usually in a very personal area.

You would never grab a waitress if you wanted ketchup or a fork, would you?

We’re Not Just Being Lazy

Our rules really say we aren’t allowed to lift your luggage into the overhead bin for you, though we can “assist.”

We Have to Prioritize Passenger Needs

If you hear us paging for a doctor, or see us running around with oxygen, defibrillators and first aid kits, that’s not the right time to ask for a blanket or a Diet Coke.

I Shouldn’t Have to Say This, But…

…The only place you are allowed to pee on the airplane is in the lavatory. Period.

The Answer is Always Yes

Don’t ask us if it’s okay to use the lavatories when the plane is grounded.

Do you really think what goes into the toilet just dumps out onto the tarmac?

I’ll Be Right Back With Gloves

Do you really expect me to take your soggy Kleenex with my bare hands?
Or your kid’s fully loaded diaper?

Hey, What’s the Hurry?

Sure, I don’t mind waiting while you scour the seatback pocket and the floor for candy wrappers and other garbage, then place them in my bag one by one. I only have 150 other passengers to serve.

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